Saturday, February 9, 2013

Where the hell I've been

Sup, internet?
We meet again.
I'm still in CT, now I live in a more central location to go anywhere in CT or even NYC. I'm basically just chiseling away playing as many places I can and writing/recording as much as I can. This journey gets rough sometimes, though. I just finished a new EP, called "Alabaster." It's five songs. It pretty much ranges from Acoustic/Indie Pop to Electronic. That's why I called it Alabaster. It's a compound mineral, and I feel like the EP has at least two genres creating some kind of strange album. Plus, Alabaster just sounds cool, more intimidating than it should. Anyway, it's here: CLICK IT, FOOL!
I recommend trying the track "Zombieland," if you like more acoustic pop stuff, "Dirty Business," if you like Electropop, and "Good Enough," if you like some more electric guitar driven stuff. You can download it for free, if you want, or donate something.
            So, I should probably go into why I wrote it, I guess. 2012, parts of it, for me was INDEED the end of the world. I went through some struggles I never thought possible to get rid of. For a vast part of 2012, I was crippled by some awful negativity. I pretty much forgot how to live in every aspect of the word. Putting myself down 24/7, worrying about irrational things, putting others down in my head, probably because of my own negative feelings towards myself, yada yada yada. I would get these glimpses of lucidity every now and then, feel positive for like a week, and find a new way to fuck up. I think it was really October 2 that might have been an ACTUAL turning point. I don't know what it was, but I finally decided to actually put the work in. I was SO bitter towards everything about having nothing. It's easy to see in hindsight, but bitterness and pettiness gets you know where but lost in your head without a map to get out, and a lot less friends. If you're my close friend you know I've struggled with my music career. You know that I have worked so so hard on making music and writing. The reactions I have from people are usually among the caliber of "I could hear you on the radio, etc," and that turned me against the world. I have been working so hard for at least 6 years on this, with no following. Almost none. Well, I WALLOWED in self pity for so long. Just thinking that the world must be so cruel if I haven't gone anywhere.
           The reason wasn't because the world was against me at all, it was because I was against myself. I just haven't done the legwork, the networking, and done the work to get the exposure I wanted. So I reacted poorly, just thought "it's never going to happen, poor me," kind of had this hatred toward the world and myself. I won't go into detail about how I took this out, but I reached out so I could turn myself around. I've been doing just that. I still have some bad days and struggle, but on the whole it's WORLDS better. If you're reading this and you have helped me, I thank you.
         To be honest, it's ironic because I obviously noticed I was the problem and wanted to turn around but, I thought there was no one there for me supporting what I was doing, when in reality, it was the few people I did have that kept me going. I have some close friends and close fans that really helped me when I was in that bind. Now I feel I am on the right path, and just need the occaisonal smack in the face to keep me in line. The one huge thought that always keeps me going is this:

Where there's a will there's a way. Whenever I have greatly willed to do something, I have done it.

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